Yep, my body and I are at war. Or, maybe it's me and the scale. Not sure. Do you ever have that week when you have done everything just right, anticipate a nice loss, only to be disappointed by those number staying the same. HORROR, or going up a notch or two?? Yep, thats been me the last two weeks. Seriously, why or why???
Of course this has got me thinking...analyzing...OVER analyzing...and I now am questioning: Does our body sometimes just revolt? I mean, am I right now at a size that my body is just adapting to? I almost think the conversation goes like this;
Me : Come on, why won't you drop the weight!
Body : Seriously, you've dropped 60 pounds in the last year, are you trying to kill me??
Me : But I have 30 more to go!
Body : Winter is coming...must store fat! I don't want to freeze!
Me : But leggings and a long sweater would be cute!
Body : Why can't you just be happy where you are at and give me time to get use to it?
Why can't you just be happy where you are at and give me time to get use to it? Now, that's a question. Why? I wish I knew the answer. I am very happy with the progress I've made. I should be happy...so what if I haven't lost in the last couple weeks. At least I'm not up 5! OR 10! A 1-2 pound fluctuation is part of the game at this point. It's just my bodies way of saying...hey, I've got to catch up with you. So I guess I need to raise the white flag...NO WAY!! I'm just plotting my next attack!
How do you handle the plateau? Do you raise the white flag, or do you plan your next attack?
Monday, August 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Who should you lose weight for...not always an easy answer.
Two post in one day...this is a new record for me! This post is a very personal one. And very hard to write. It may even make you a little mad. But I don't think I'm alone here.
I like to say, 'I am losing this weight and reclaiming my life for me'. But that is not necessarily completely the truth. Sure, society looks at overweight people as being lazy, or unmotivated. Especially those who have never struggled with their weight. But what if someone you love and trust implies that on you? To get to my point I need to travel back in time a bit.
I met the man I am married to a little over 7 years ago. We will celebrate our 7 year anniversary in October. We had a whirl wind courtship. Very quick and intense. I got pregnant (I was 36 at the time, and thought I couldn't have kids...that's a story for another time). Six months after meeting...marriage. So, basically, we spent the first couple years having babies, and getting to know each other. Not an easy task to say the least. I do love this man, and I do know he loves me. But sometimes, I'm surprise by his lack of ....let's say, filter.
When we met, I was exactly the size I am now. Mind you, I've lost 57 pounds in the last year (33 since February). So I put on a bit of weight having two children back to back...and relishing not dieting (they are 16 months apart). First pregnancy I gained 60+ pounds, and lost most of it, but not all of it. Second pregnancy, I gained a mere 9 pounds and was lighter after having my son than when I got pregnant (I had a few to lose when I got preggo). I was still heavier than when I met my husband. Then with having a baby and a toddler...working full time...post partum...I gained, and gained, and gained!! One night about a year and a half ago my husband says..."I've never been with anyone as big as you". What the &#*@???? Did he say it to be mean? Don't know. Did he say it to motivate me? I think so. Did it motivate me? At first yes, then ultimately no. You see, tell me to do something in a way that is hurtful or mean...I'm going to do the opposite. Now, you may be saying, why are you with a man that would not love you for who you are? Well, that's not the case. Yes, he hurt my feelings deeply with that statement, and he can be an ass at times (well, more than I would really like him to be), but I know he loves me. In his own weird unfiltered way.
So now my point. Last June I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. This was a couple months after the dreaded comment that my husband will NEVER live down (oh how we women can hold a grudge...LOL). I was put on Metformin and easily lost 23 pounds (the medicine has some wicked, not so pleasant side effects that I call the I got to go effect). That did seem to appease him...but me, oh no...it was on like Donkey Kong! In February, my besties and I started our new weight loss journey, started journaling like mad, and are working towards our goals. Am I doing this solely for me? NOOOOO...like I said, I hold a grudge. I wanted to prove to my husband that I am still hot. And, also, I like shopping in the non plus size section of the store! I also have two children that I don't want to struggle as I have, so I need to be a role model. So am I doing this for myself? Should the answer be yes? Not always...we all have our reasons. Ultimately, I'm responsible for doing this. I am the only one who can control what I put in my mouth (and I have 3 awesome girls who support my every step). So in that aspect...yes, I'm doing this for me.
So who are you doing this for? I don't think there is a wrong answer. The point is...ultimately, no matter who you are doing this for initially, you are the one who reaps the rewards in the end!
PS...this last weekend, my husband asked my sister to babysit..."I want to take my hot wife out"...pay dirt!
I like to say, 'I am losing this weight and reclaiming my life for me'. But that is not necessarily completely the truth. Sure, society looks at overweight people as being lazy, or unmotivated. Especially those who have never struggled with their weight. But what if someone you love and trust implies that on you? To get to my point I need to travel back in time a bit.
I met the man I am married to a little over 7 years ago. We will celebrate our 7 year anniversary in October. We had a whirl wind courtship. Very quick and intense. I got pregnant (I was 36 at the time, and thought I couldn't have kids...that's a story for another time). Six months after meeting...marriage. So, basically, we spent the first couple years having babies, and getting to know each other. Not an easy task to say the least. I do love this man, and I do know he loves me. But sometimes, I'm surprise by his lack of ....let's say, filter.
When we met, I was exactly the size I am now. Mind you, I've lost 57 pounds in the last year (33 since February). So I put on a bit of weight having two children back to back...and relishing not dieting (they are 16 months apart). First pregnancy I gained 60+ pounds, and lost most of it, but not all of it. Second pregnancy, I gained a mere 9 pounds and was lighter after having my son than when I got pregnant (I had a few to lose when I got preggo). I was still heavier than when I met my husband. Then with having a baby and a toddler...working full time...post partum...I gained, and gained, and gained!! One night about a year and a half ago my husband says..."I've never been with anyone as big as you". What the &#*@???? Did he say it to be mean? Don't know. Did he say it to motivate me? I think so. Did it motivate me? At first yes, then ultimately no. You see, tell me to do something in a way that is hurtful or mean...I'm going to do the opposite. Now, you may be saying, why are you with a man that would not love you for who you are? Well, that's not the case. Yes, he hurt my feelings deeply with that statement, and he can be an ass at times (well, more than I would really like him to be), but I know he loves me. In his own weird unfiltered way.
So now my point. Last June I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. This was a couple months after the dreaded comment that my husband will NEVER live down (oh how we women can hold a grudge...LOL). I was put on Metformin and easily lost 23 pounds (the medicine has some wicked, not so pleasant side effects that I call the I got to go effect). That did seem to appease him...but me, oh no...it was on like Donkey Kong! In February, my besties and I started our new weight loss journey, started journaling like mad, and are working towards our goals. Am I doing this solely for me? NOOOOO...like I said, I hold a grudge. I wanted to prove to my husband that I am still hot. And, also, I like shopping in the non plus size section of the store! I also have two children that I don't want to struggle as I have, so I need to be a role model. So am I doing this for myself? Should the answer be yes? Not always...we all have our reasons. Ultimately, I'm responsible for doing this. I am the only one who can control what I put in my mouth (and I have 3 awesome girls who support my every step). So in that aspect...yes, I'm doing this for me.
So who are you doing this for? I don't think there is a wrong answer. The point is...ultimately, no matter who you are doing this for initially, you are the one who reaps the rewards in the end!
PS...this last weekend, my husband asked my sister to babysit..."I want to take my hot wife out"...pay dirt!
Will we every truly be finished with our weight loss journey?
NO! I'll say it again...NO!! Or at least that is my opinion. As a seasoned yo-yo dieter, I've got experience on my side. Lose 5, gain 10...Lose 80, gain 100! This is going to be a life long journey for me, there for no end (or at least until I take my last breath). I won't say battle, as I try to look on the positive side. It's my journey, it's my life, one bite at a time. I didn't gain over night...and I won't lose it over night either. Although, that would be awesome!!
So as I make my lifestyle changes, and SLOWLY lose this weight and get healthy, I started to think about how we view ourselves, and sometimes in doing so sabbotage our efforts.
This morning, I was talking with a friend who recently had lap band. She has lost 35 pounds in 2 months. I have lost 33 pounds, in 5 months. Although our journey is different in our techniques, we have a very common issue...we both wish it was more. We both wish we were already across the finish line. Why can't we see how far we've come? Why can't we be happy with that? Or for me, the role model I'm becoming for my children, so maybe they won't have the same struggles?
I can only say for myself why. And the answer is, I don't know why! I could say it's society, super models, and apple pie...but nope, it's me. I look in the mirror at the jiggle and say, how can I feel sexy with this? I put on a size 16 and think, why can't I fit into the 14? OH...the self deprevation!
I guess in the end, like this never ending journey, I just need to learn to embrace it all. I have found that some of my habits for a healthy lifestyle have stuck now, second nature. There are also those that still elude me. So for now I will embrass my want it done attitude, and keep working on it. I'll get there, and someday, I'll be proud. I've just got to wire my brain around the whole thing. It takes time!
Now...If I could just love exercising?? :)
What about you? How do you feel about your journey?
So as I make my lifestyle changes, and SLOWLY lose this weight and get healthy, I started to think about how we view ourselves, and sometimes in doing so sabbotage our efforts.
This morning, I was talking with a friend who recently had lap band. She has lost 35 pounds in 2 months. I have lost 33 pounds, in 5 months. Although our journey is different in our techniques, we have a very common issue...we both wish it was more. We both wish we were already across the finish line. Why can't we see how far we've come? Why can't we be happy with that? Or for me, the role model I'm becoming for my children, so maybe they won't have the same struggles?
I can only say for myself why. And the answer is, I don't know why! I could say it's society, super models, and apple pie...but nope, it's me. I look in the mirror at the jiggle and say, how can I feel sexy with this? I put on a size 16 and think, why can't I fit into the 14? OH...the self deprevation!
I guess in the end, like this never ending journey, I just need to learn to embrace it all. I have found that some of my habits for a healthy lifestyle have stuck now, second nature. There are also those that still elude me. So for now I will embrass my want it done attitude, and keep working on it. I'll get there, and someday, I'll be proud. I've just got to wire my brain around the whole thing. It takes time!
Now...If I could just love exercising?? :)
What about you? How do you feel about your journey?
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
My thoughts on weight loss journaling sites
It's been awhile...and why I have still been consistant on my weight loss journey, something today happened to make me want to post on my blog.
I use a weight loss journaling site to log my food. Every day, without fail (unless something comes up...LOL!). Well today I had some time and decided to look at the forums. I really don't use the forums on this particular site because I had some very negative feedback once to a VERY innocent question / advice seeking post I put out there. I had hoped to see something different there today. Maybe a tip or two, but no! I evidently have a knack at finding those less that positive threads!
I was so angry after reading the response to someone that posted they were trying something new, wanted to know if anyone else was doing it, or if anyone wanted to be friends and check her journey along the way to see how amazing this program was. OK, I think she was maybe fishing for followers (as this program pays for that), and her intentions may have been less than geniune. BUT, she didn't say that...nor did she push that. So why be mean? Why be a bully? Why not practice what your mamma told you. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"! Maybe she was really looking for support? Who is to know?
As my experience goes, I have a great support group of 3 friends, whom I ironically found on another weightloss journaling site. We no longer journal to each other on that site, and only friend each other on this new one. We also use another site to post daily our successes, failures, thoughts, concerns, and dreams.
I do have a point here, though it's taking a long time to get there. Weight loss journaling sites can help you! Really....but beware, there are some people out there who always feel they are right and have no problem expressing their feelings (despite that it may be very hurtful).
So my weight loss advice is this:
1. Find a support group, people you can count on to keep you accountable. People you value their opinions are best suited.
2. Use a journal of some kind to keep yourself accountable (old school journaling on paper works).
3. If you use a weight loss journaling site and their forums, be aware that you may be looking for advice, but not get the kind you want.
4. Everyone is different. My motto...if it works for you, GOOD for you!!
5. Repeat 1-4
Good luck to those people out there on their own personal journey. Who am I to knock what you are doing? And if that is what you are looking for...well, there is someone out there willing to knock. :)
I use a weight loss journaling site to log my food. Every day, without fail (unless something comes up...LOL!). Well today I had some time and decided to look at the forums. I really don't use the forums on this particular site because I had some very negative feedback once to a VERY innocent question / advice seeking post I put out there. I had hoped to see something different there today. Maybe a tip or two, but no! I evidently have a knack at finding those less that positive threads!
I was so angry after reading the response to someone that posted they were trying something new, wanted to know if anyone else was doing it, or if anyone wanted to be friends and check her journey along the way to see how amazing this program was. OK, I think she was maybe fishing for followers (as this program pays for that), and her intentions may have been less than geniune. BUT, she didn't say that...nor did she push that. So why be mean? Why be a bully? Why not practice what your mamma told you. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"! Maybe she was really looking for support? Who is to know?
As my experience goes, I have a great support group of 3 friends, whom I ironically found on another weightloss journaling site. We no longer journal to each other on that site, and only friend each other on this new one. We also use another site to post daily our successes, failures, thoughts, concerns, and dreams.
I do have a point here, though it's taking a long time to get there. Weight loss journaling sites can help you! Really....but beware, there are some people out there who always feel they are right and have no problem expressing their feelings (despite that it may be very hurtful).
So my weight loss advice is this:
1. Find a support group, people you can count on to keep you accountable. People you value their opinions are best suited.
2. Use a journal of some kind to keep yourself accountable (old school journaling on paper works).
3. If you use a weight loss journaling site and their forums, be aware that you may be looking for advice, but not get the kind you want.
4. Everyone is different. My motto...if it works for you, GOOD for you!!
5. Repeat 1-4
Good luck to those people out there on their own personal journey. Who am I to knock what you are doing? And if that is what you are looking for...well, there is someone out there willing to knock. :)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Relapse to Recovery…and Replanning!
I had planned for my next blog to be a totally different subject, but in light of my madness this weekend, this one fits the bill!
Have you ever had a plan that just went off track, with you driving the engine full steam ahead? That is what happened to me this weekend. I’ve been on my journey to health and weight loss for 9 weeks now. I’ve been diligent about recording my food intake, my exercise, planning, and coming along quite nicely. Unfortunately, the reason I’m on this journey is because I have a problem. A problem with FOOD! I’m addict of sorts…heck, just a plain addict if I’m honest with myself. I use food for comfort, and when I do that, I tend to lose control. I got some bad news on Friday which spurred a little ‘comforting’, which in turn became my weekend of debauchery. I didn’t journal, I didn’t exercise, and I just numbed my feelings with food. That is how I got in this boat the last time. Relapse…
Now on to the next stage…Recovery. Today I am journaling, exercising, and bringing myself back to square one. Square ones in the sense that I must retrain my cravings, regain my control, and push forward from my set back. I refuse to let this addiction control me any more. I back tracked my weekend, recorded all of it…the good, bad, and UGLY! I felt horrible after eating an entire pizza by myself…why did I do it? That is the question I must be honest about. I did it because I didn’t use my tools. I could have done so many other things instead of wallowing in my despair. What could I have done? I could have read a book…I could have watched a show I’ve been wanting to see…I could have picked up that knitting I have yet to finish…OR wait, I love to paint, I have supplies…OR, I could have exercised. Why didn’t I? Because old habit die hard and I didn’t have a plan. Replanning…
Life is going to happen on this journey. I can’t control it. I can’t surround myself with bluebird and everything nice with a Cinderella attitude that my prince will come and save the day! Sometimes, bad news will arrive, and I need a plan. So, with this blog, which makes me think, I’m coming up with a plan. Next time I feel this way I will comfort myself, but not with food. Instead, I will try to burn off some of the negative impulses with exercise or doing a non-food activity I enjoy. Drink some water, pay attention to my body, and let it guide me if I’m really hungry for food. I WILL journal, I will plan, and I will find peace in it.
Today I’m craving carbs something fierce. Longing for them…or the chips they represent. I have a plan though, so I’m sipping my sugar free vanilla caramel latte (that I made myself with Toroni sugar free syrup), blogging, and letting the cravings roll away. My plan is already starting to work.
How do you recover from a relapse?
Have you ever had a plan that just went off track, with you driving the engine full steam ahead? That is what happened to me this weekend. I’ve been on my journey to health and weight loss for 9 weeks now. I’ve been diligent about recording my food intake, my exercise, planning, and coming along quite nicely. Unfortunately, the reason I’m on this journey is because I have a problem. A problem with FOOD! I’m addict of sorts…heck, just a plain addict if I’m honest with myself. I use food for comfort, and when I do that, I tend to lose control. I got some bad news on Friday which spurred a little ‘comforting’, which in turn became my weekend of debauchery. I didn’t journal, I didn’t exercise, and I just numbed my feelings with food. That is how I got in this boat the last time. Relapse…
Now on to the next stage…Recovery. Today I am journaling, exercising, and bringing myself back to square one. Square ones in the sense that I must retrain my cravings, regain my control, and push forward from my set back. I refuse to let this addiction control me any more. I back tracked my weekend, recorded all of it…the good, bad, and UGLY! I felt horrible after eating an entire pizza by myself…why did I do it? That is the question I must be honest about. I did it because I didn’t use my tools. I could have done so many other things instead of wallowing in my despair. What could I have done? I could have read a book…I could have watched a show I’ve been wanting to see…I could have picked up that knitting I have yet to finish…OR wait, I love to paint, I have supplies…OR, I could have exercised. Why didn’t I? Because old habit die hard and I didn’t have a plan. Replanning…
Life is going to happen on this journey. I can’t control it. I can’t surround myself with bluebird and everything nice with a Cinderella attitude that my prince will come and save the day! Sometimes, bad news will arrive, and I need a plan. So, with this blog, which makes me think, I’m coming up with a plan. Next time I feel this way I will comfort myself, but not with food. Instead, I will try to burn off some of the negative impulses with exercise or doing a non-food activity I enjoy. Drink some water, pay attention to my body, and let it guide me if I’m really hungry for food. I WILL journal, I will plan, and I will find peace in it.
Today I’m craving carbs something fierce. Longing for them…or the chips they represent. I have a plan though, so I’m sipping my sugar free vanilla caramel latte (that I made myself with Toroni sugar free syrup), blogging, and letting the cravings roll away. My plan is already starting to work.
How do you recover from a relapse?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
April Fools...or my reality of family holiday food festivals!
April...the signs of spring have sprung. The weather is changing nicely. Summer is on it's way...and EASTER!! As I post this, Easter has passed (this last weekend) and I spent it at my family's, with the usually family food fest.
This year was different for me. Instead of the huge mound of food on my plate, followed by cake, pie...OH, and those decadent little commercial chocolate eggs filled with peanut butter...I chose moderation. Nope...not deprevation. Not a all or nothing attitude. Just the knowledge the last 8 weeks of working my butt off on my road to regaining me has taught. I can induldge, but do I really want it. Sometimes yes, sometimes no...but portion control is now my guide. As well as counting everly last morsel.
So as I continue on this journey...I made it though my first family holiday. I can do this...I will do this...one day, season, and holiday at a time!
More blogs to come soon...my list is growing. The next subject I think shall be cheating, and not with hot guy down the street, but more with the hot rolls at the table. :)
Happy Spring!
This year was different for me. Instead of the huge mound of food on my plate, followed by cake, pie...OH, and those decadent little commercial chocolate eggs filled with peanut butter...I chose moderation. Nope...not deprevation. Not a all or nothing attitude. Just the knowledge the last 8 weeks of working my butt off on my road to regaining me has taught. I can induldge, but do I really want it. Sometimes yes, sometimes no...but portion control is now my guide. As well as counting everly last morsel.
So as I continue on this journey...I made it though my first family holiday. I can do this...I will do this...one day, season, and holiday at a time!
More blogs to come soon...my list is growing. The next subject I think shall be cheating, and not with hot guy down the street, but more with the hot rolls at the table. :)
Happy Spring!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Are you in control?
No, I’m not talking about call me Miss Jackson if you’re nasty. It’s more like “Hi, my name is Tab, and I’m a control freak”. Yes, I need a 12 step program to help me with my freakdom. At my core, I need control. Is it inherent or learned…maybe a little of both?
I grew up in within a community of controlling woman. Not that it is a bad thing; I just think it has the potential to get out of control. Oxymoron? Being too controlling can cause you to become out of control? I am compelled to run things. I need it, I crave it, I long for it. But in the pursuit I’ve lost control of the one thing that is the most important, myself. This scares me. I have a young daughter whom I’ve observed with the same needs and cravings for control. I need to take heed of this, but where to start…the beginning I guess.
During this life long need to control my surrounding, I find that I’ve filled the bucket too full, so much so that I’ve lost the ability for self control. It’s apparent as I yet again struggle to lose weight that I’ve been yo-yoing with for many years. I started out life as a thin child. I suffered my first major loss as a pre-teen when grandfather died (loss of control), a man whom I loved deeply. I found comfort in eating (regaining to control my feelings of loss). I entered school after that summer overweight for the first time. Next came a round of diet pills, compulsive exercise, and I dropped the weight getting too thin (mostly due to the cruel reality of mean pre-teen children and society). Most of my high-school I was too thin, but still struggled in my head for that control over food. By time I graduated I was a healthy size 9 after gaining a bit of weight. Then I got sick. PCOS wasn’t something I new anything about. I gained and gained, and during it all married my high school sweetheart (of sorts, met him 2 weeks after I graduated). After 4 years we got married. My weight had crept to the highest it had ever been but was never an issue with him, but it was for me. The summer after we married, I tried once again to lose weight. This time I walked 5 miles a day, every day, rain or shine! 3 months straight, I walked and watched my fat intake… and lost only 5 pounds. Talk about not feeling in control! Frustrated by my weight loss efforts, and not being able to get pregnant (yes, one more thing out of control) I finally got the help needed to get my PCOS under control. Lost some weight…then got divorced…gained some weight. You get the picture, lot of out of control moments compensated by over controlling moments, too many to put in this blog or it would become a novel.
Shortly after my divorce I moved to a new state. I found a love of kickboxing and boxing. I joined WW. I found my F&F sisters…and finally lost a LOT of weight. Back in control! Then, I met a man, fell in love, got pregnant, got married, bought a house, got pregnant a second time, all within 2 years time. My last child was born almost 5 years ago. Having two children 16 months apart…yep, you will lose control of something! That something was once again myself.
So as this stream of consciousness weighs on me, control freakness, where do I go with it? I must let go…but where? How do you decide? It starts with asking for help. This I have found to be a very HARD concept for a control freak, but a necessary step to regain one’s self. So every day, I wake up, very deliberately and ask…where do I need help today? I must take control of myself, my eating, my journaling, my exercise…but the other stuff, I really don’t need to control it and I can have help. It’s a work in progress. I’m getting there, with support of family and friends. I don’t have all the answers, but that is life, and it’s all part of the process.
Hi, my name is Tab, I’m a control freak. But, you can call me Miss Jackson if you’re nasty!
I grew up in within a community of controlling woman. Not that it is a bad thing; I just think it has the potential to get out of control. Oxymoron? Being too controlling can cause you to become out of control? I am compelled to run things. I need it, I crave it, I long for it. But in the pursuit I’ve lost control of the one thing that is the most important, myself. This scares me. I have a young daughter whom I’ve observed with the same needs and cravings for control. I need to take heed of this, but where to start…the beginning I guess.
During this life long need to control my surrounding, I find that I’ve filled the bucket too full, so much so that I’ve lost the ability for self control. It’s apparent as I yet again struggle to lose weight that I’ve been yo-yoing with for many years. I started out life as a thin child. I suffered my first major loss as a pre-teen when grandfather died (loss of control), a man whom I loved deeply. I found comfort in eating (regaining to control my feelings of loss). I entered school after that summer overweight for the first time. Next came a round of diet pills, compulsive exercise, and I dropped the weight getting too thin (mostly due to the cruel reality of mean pre-teen children and society). Most of my high-school I was too thin, but still struggled in my head for that control over food. By time I graduated I was a healthy size 9 after gaining a bit of weight. Then I got sick. PCOS wasn’t something I new anything about. I gained and gained, and during it all married my high school sweetheart (of sorts, met him 2 weeks after I graduated). After 4 years we got married. My weight had crept to the highest it had ever been but was never an issue with him, but it was for me. The summer after we married, I tried once again to lose weight. This time I walked 5 miles a day, every day, rain or shine! 3 months straight, I walked and watched my fat intake… and lost only 5 pounds. Talk about not feeling in control! Frustrated by my weight loss efforts, and not being able to get pregnant (yes, one more thing out of control) I finally got the help needed to get my PCOS under control. Lost some weight…then got divorced…gained some weight. You get the picture, lot of out of control moments compensated by over controlling moments, too many to put in this blog or it would become a novel.
Shortly after my divorce I moved to a new state. I found a love of kickboxing and boxing. I joined WW. I found my F&F sisters…and finally lost a LOT of weight. Back in control! Then, I met a man, fell in love, got pregnant, got married, bought a house, got pregnant a second time, all within 2 years time. My last child was born almost 5 years ago. Having two children 16 months apart…yep, you will lose control of something! That something was once again myself.
So as this stream of consciousness weighs on me, control freakness, where do I go with it? I must let go…but where? How do you decide? It starts with asking for help. This I have found to be a very HARD concept for a control freak, but a necessary step to regain one’s self. So every day, I wake up, very deliberately and ask…where do I need help today? I must take control of myself, my eating, my journaling, my exercise…but the other stuff, I really don’t need to control it and I can have help. It’s a work in progress. I’m getting there, with support of family and friends. I don’t have all the answers, but that is life, and it’s all part of the process.
Hi, my name is Tab, I’m a control freak. But, you can call me Miss Jackson if you’re nasty!
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