Two post in one day...this is a new record for me! This post is a very personal one. And very hard to write. It may even make you a little mad. But I don't think I'm alone here.
I like to say, 'I am losing this weight and reclaiming my life for me'. But that is not necessarily completely the truth. Sure, society looks at overweight people as being lazy, or unmotivated. Especially those who have never struggled with their weight. But what if someone you love and trust implies that on you? To get to my point I need to travel back in time a bit.
I met the man I am married to a little over 7 years ago. We will celebrate our 7 year anniversary in October. We had a whirl wind courtship. Very quick and intense. I got pregnant (I was 36 at the time, and thought I couldn't have kids...that's a story for another time). Six months after meeting...marriage. So, basically, we spent the first couple years having babies, and getting to know each other. Not an easy task to say the least. I do love this man, and I do know he loves me. But sometimes, I'm surprise by his lack of ....let's say, filter.
When we met, I was exactly the size I am now. Mind you, I've lost 57 pounds in the last year (33 since February). So I put on a bit of weight having two children back to back...and relishing not dieting (they are 16 months apart). First pregnancy I gained 60+ pounds, and lost most of it, but not all of it. Second pregnancy, I gained a mere 9 pounds and was lighter after having my son than when I got pregnant (I had a few to lose when I got preggo). I was still heavier than when I met my husband. Then with having a baby and a toddler...working full time...post partum...I gained, and gained, and gained!! One night about a year and a half ago my husband says..."I've never been with anyone as big as you". What the &#*@???? Did he say it to be mean? Don't know. Did he say it to motivate me? I think so. Did it motivate me? At first yes, then ultimately no. You see, tell me to do something in a way that is hurtful or mean...I'm going to do the opposite. Now, you may be saying, why are you with a man that would not love you for who you are? Well, that's not the case. Yes, he hurt my feelings deeply with that statement, and he can be an ass at times (well, more than I would really like him to be), but I know he loves me. In his own weird unfiltered way.
So now my point. Last June I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. This was a couple months after the dreaded comment that my husband will NEVER live down (oh how we women can hold a grudge...LOL). I was put on Metformin and easily lost 23 pounds (the medicine has some wicked, not so pleasant side effects that I call the I got to go effect). That did seem to appease him...but me, oh no...it was on like Donkey Kong! In February, my besties and I started our new weight loss journey, started journaling like mad, and are working towards our goals. Am I doing this solely for me? NOOOOO...like I said, I hold a grudge. I wanted to prove to my husband that I am still hot. And, also, I like shopping in the non plus size section of the store! I also have two children that I don't want to struggle as I have, so I need to be a role model. So am I doing this for myself? Should the answer be yes? Not always...we all have our reasons. Ultimately, I'm responsible for doing this. I am the only one who can control what I put in my mouth (and I have 3 awesome girls who support my every step). So in that aspect...yes, I'm doing this for me.
So who are you doing this for? I don't think there is a wrong answer. The point is...ultimately, no matter who you are doing this for initially, you are the one who reaps the rewards in the end!
PS...this last weekend, my husband asked my sister to babysit..."I want to take my hot wife out"...pay dirt!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Will we every truly be finished with our weight loss journey?
NO! I'll say it again...NO!! Or at least that is my opinion. As a seasoned yo-yo dieter, I've got experience on my side. Lose 5, gain 10...Lose 80, gain 100! This is going to be a life long journey for me, there for no end (or at least until I take my last breath). I won't say battle, as I try to look on the positive side. It's my journey, it's my life, one bite at a time. I didn't gain over night...and I won't lose it over night either. Although, that would be awesome!!
So as I make my lifestyle changes, and SLOWLY lose this weight and get healthy, I started to think about how we view ourselves, and sometimes in doing so sabbotage our efforts.
This morning, I was talking with a friend who recently had lap band. She has lost 35 pounds in 2 months. I have lost 33 pounds, in 5 months. Although our journey is different in our techniques, we have a very common issue...we both wish it was more. We both wish we were already across the finish line. Why can't we see how far we've come? Why can't we be happy with that? Or for me, the role model I'm becoming for my children, so maybe they won't have the same struggles?
I can only say for myself why. And the answer is, I don't know why! I could say it's society, super models, and apple pie...but nope, it's me. I look in the mirror at the jiggle and say, how can I feel sexy with this? I put on a size 16 and think, why can't I fit into the 14? OH...the self deprevation!
I guess in the end, like this never ending journey, I just need to learn to embrace it all. I have found that some of my habits for a healthy lifestyle have stuck now, second nature. There are also those that still elude me. So for now I will embrass my want it done attitude, and keep working on it. I'll get there, and someday, I'll be proud. I've just got to wire my brain around the whole thing. It takes time!
Now...If I could just love exercising?? :)
What about you? How do you feel about your journey?
So as I make my lifestyle changes, and SLOWLY lose this weight and get healthy, I started to think about how we view ourselves, and sometimes in doing so sabbotage our efforts.
This morning, I was talking with a friend who recently had lap band. She has lost 35 pounds in 2 months. I have lost 33 pounds, in 5 months. Although our journey is different in our techniques, we have a very common issue...we both wish it was more. We both wish we were already across the finish line. Why can't we see how far we've come? Why can't we be happy with that? Or for me, the role model I'm becoming for my children, so maybe they won't have the same struggles?
I can only say for myself why. And the answer is, I don't know why! I could say it's society, super models, and apple pie...but nope, it's me. I look in the mirror at the jiggle and say, how can I feel sexy with this? I put on a size 16 and think, why can't I fit into the 14? OH...the self deprevation!
I guess in the end, like this never ending journey, I just need to learn to embrace it all. I have found that some of my habits for a healthy lifestyle have stuck now, second nature. There are also those that still elude me. So for now I will embrass my want it done attitude, and keep working on it. I'll get there, and someday, I'll be proud. I've just got to wire my brain around the whole thing. It takes time!
Now...If I could just love exercising?? :)
What about you? How do you feel about your journey?
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
My thoughts on weight loss journaling sites
It's been awhile...and why I have still been consistant on my weight loss journey, something today happened to make me want to post on my blog.
I use a weight loss journaling site to log my food. Every day, without fail (unless something comes up...LOL!). Well today I had some time and decided to look at the forums. I really don't use the forums on this particular site because I had some very negative feedback once to a VERY innocent question / advice seeking post I put out there. I had hoped to see something different there today. Maybe a tip or two, but no! I evidently have a knack at finding those less that positive threads!
I was so angry after reading the response to someone that posted they were trying something new, wanted to know if anyone else was doing it, or if anyone wanted to be friends and check her journey along the way to see how amazing this program was. OK, I think she was maybe fishing for followers (as this program pays for that), and her intentions may have been less than geniune. BUT, she didn't say that...nor did she push that. So why be mean? Why be a bully? Why not practice what your mamma told you. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"! Maybe she was really looking for support? Who is to know?
As my experience goes, I have a great support group of 3 friends, whom I ironically found on another weightloss journaling site. We no longer journal to each other on that site, and only friend each other on this new one. We also use another site to post daily our successes, failures, thoughts, concerns, and dreams.
I do have a point here, though it's taking a long time to get there. Weight loss journaling sites can help you! Really....but beware, there are some people out there who always feel they are right and have no problem expressing their feelings (despite that it may be very hurtful).
So my weight loss advice is this:
1. Find a support group, people you can count on to keep you accountable. People you value their opinions are best suited.
2. Use a journal of some kind to keep yourself accountable (old school journaling on paper works).
3. If you use a weight loss journaling site and their forums, be aware that you may be looking for advice, but not get the kind you want.
4. Everyone is different. My motto...if it works for you, GOOD for you!!
5. Repeat 1-4
Good luck to those people out there on their own personal journey. Who am I to knock what you are doing? And if that is what you are looking for...well, there is someone out there willing to knock. :)
I use a weight loss journaling site to log my food. Every day, without fail (unless something comes up...LOL!). Well today I had some time and decided to look at the forums. I really don't use the forums on this particular site because I had some very negative feedback once to a VERY innocent question / advice seeking post I put out there. I had hoped to see something different there today. Maybe a tip or two, but no! I evidently have a knack at finding those less that positive threads!
I was so angry after reading the response to someone that posted they were trying something new, wanted to know if anyone else was doing it, or if anyone wanted to be friends and check her journey along the way to see how amazing this program was. OK, I think she was maybe fishing for followers (as this program pays for that), and her intentions may have been less than geniune. BUT, she didn't say that...nor did she push that. So why be mean? Why be a bully? Why not practice what your mamma told you. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"! Maybe she was really looking for support? Who is to know?
As my experience goes, I have a great support group of 3 friends, whom I ironically found on another weightloss journaling site. We no longer journal to each other on that site, and only friend each other on this new one. We also use another site to post daily our successes, failures, thoughts, concerns, and dreams.
I do have a point here, though it's taking a long time to get there. Weight loss journaling sites can help you! Really....but beware, there are some people out there who always feel they are right and have no problem expressing their feelings (despite that it may be very hurtful).
So my weight loss advice is this:
1. Find a support group, people you can count on to keep you accountable. People you value their opinions are best suited.
2. Use a journal of some kind to keep yourself accountable (old school journaling on paper works).
3. If you use a weight loss journaling site and their forums, be aware that you may be looking for advice, but not get the kind you want.
4. Everyone is different. My motto...if it works for you, GOOD for you!!
5. Repeat 1-4
Good luck to those people out there on their own personal journey. Who am I to knock what you are doing? And if that is what you are looking for...well, there is someone out there willing to knock. :)
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